Stronger

So I am not one to usually do this, but I have felt weak all day.  I have started to feel more and more aches in the morning, not enough get-up-and-go to play with the kids, just an overall feeling of being unhealthy.  Last week, I had a friend suggest me going to the gym with her.  Sure, I was up for the free trial.  After the first workout, I felt energized, not terribly sore, and just really a different out look on things.  Today, I have been going to the gym everyday this week.  I have been looking forward to my time at the gym to unwind and to have a few minutes to just not have any obligation to anyone but me.  I think that I hit a wall today.  I spent the afternoon and evening making some pillow case dresses with a friend.  I truly enjoyed the time together, but when I started home a heaviness covered me.  I really wanted to skip out on the gym tonight.  In my mind, I thought...You haven't missed a day yet, it won't hurt this one time.....it will take you out of this crummy mood your in, it always makes you feel better and stress free.  In the past, I made excuses as to why I shouldn't make this a priority.  I feel the urgency to do this, even when I feel so weighed down.  I wasn't just feeling heavy from my health alone, it was an ache in my heart.  Tonight, when I left the gym, not feeling stress free and still a little weary, this song came on:

Hey, heard you were up all night
Thinking about how your world ain't right
And you wonder if things will ever get better
And you're asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you ...

Try and do the best you can
Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it's gonna end
God's right there
Even when you just can't feel Him
I promise you that He still cares

'Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
In time it's gonna get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger

My heart aches today because we have started the big decision of estate planning.  I know that many of you may think that Preacher Man and I are not wise for doing this before now.  God has protected us till now. None the less, we have made those decisions and feel relative comfortable with them.  When this came into play a couple of weeks ago, I struggled with my feelings of ministry life and friendship.  In my limited experience as a minister's wife, I have had many close friends that have moved or time has caused us to be less close.  When looking to our future, there is no certainty of where we will be or for how long.  I knew this going into ministry.  I don't ever for one second regret following God's leading down this journey.  However, there are weak moments when I let my thoughts run away with me. (ie. over analyze, critiquing myself, etc.)  I have to check my feelings and seek God.  I have been able to witness God's moving in peoples lives.  I have seen a teen girl who would hold a grudge like no other, turn her heart over to God, and she became this vibrant young woman who completely trust God with all her life.  I have seen God take a girl who had lost family and friends, and seemed to have it all together...get on her face and cry out to God to heal her heart.  She became this power house force to make huge changes in the lives of those around her.  I have seen a teen guy who was the sports 'jock', who had a heart so cold toward God, with all his friends praying for him.  God breathed warmth into his life and I saw this guy become the most peaceful, joyful guy.  There are many more examples of God's greatness.  Just as with many christians, they struggle in our world to live for Him.  I know that I will witness many more miracles and answered prayers.  I am thankful for so many people that have passed their faith to me, shown me that in imperfection-His is glorified.  There are men like Marion Garland, who look at this girl and tell her she was beautiful (my dad told me every Sunday morning from the time I was itty bitty that I was beautiful).  He would come to our house and sit and tell us stories of his wife and him when they were first starting out with marriage, kids, everything and how God worked in their lives together.  Marion was a man that even in his twilight years would come help Preacher Man set up a canopy for a festival.  I have mentioned Mr. Boney in another post, and there are men and women that I am getting to know that will forever be etched in my story.  With each blessing, I can feel my life getting stronger.