Unknown Companion

To be perfectly honest, I don't know how to start on this particular subject.  I did kind of touch on this before...when Preacher Man and I got married, nine years ago, we never thought that we would have any issue with having kiddos.  Sure enough about nine months into our journey together, Preacher Man was working at a private school as a music teacher for Pre-K through 8th grade.  I was working at a day care taking care of eight one year olds.  I had this very strange dream that I had a baby boy and within days we found out that we were expecting!  I was extremely sick with this pregnancy.  Everything would upset my stomach.  I could barely keep water and my prenatal pills down.  When I went in for my sixteen week check up, they never found a heartbeat.  I felt numb going home and knowing that my baby had died.  It was 100% percent out of my control.  The months ahead were difficult to say the least.  Preacher Man came to me and said he was feeling God calling him into the ministry and also to go to seminary.  We moved in with my parents to prepare for this move.  We found a job taking care of 8 preteen girls at a children's home that was close to seminary and because of our schedule Preacher Man couldn't take too many classes.

When at the children's home, I was able to learn a lot about myself.  Those girls taught me some amazing things.  I never imagined that I could care so much for kids that hated me at first.  All of them have graduated high school now, but I would still open my home to any of them.  During my time there, I had days that I felt that we may be able to start again with having children.  There were many growing families there, but Preacher Man and I were never able to conceive.  People around us were praying, I was praying...I began to study women in the bible that had difficulty conceiving.  When I studied, Hannah and how she gave her womb over to God and gave Samuel back to God at a young age.  I prayed that God would use me and that I wouldn't plan or control when God wanted me to be a mom.  When we felt God calling us into full time ministry, I had put having a family in the back of my mind even though Isaiah was NEVER far from my thoughts. Within weeks of moving to our first church, we found out that we were pregnant.  Things started moving so quickly in ministry.  Before I knew it, I was eight months pregnant going to Juarez Mexico on a mission trip and going to my brothers wedding in Florida.  I was so blessed to have Cutie Pie come into my life, then in no time at all, we had Sweet Pea.  My life was full of pink, hair bows, and princesses.  And still there was this longing for a boy.

Sunday at church they talked about the sanctity of life.  Our pastor talked about the life of his oldest son and how many lives he has touched.  It made me think about Isaiah.  Just the thought of Preacher Man as a dad to his little boy.  All the tender times he has had with his girls and thinking about that with his son. When we lost Isaiah he had written a song for him.  It is a song that helps me to celebrate not the loss of my son, but the gain of life he has with Jesus.  God give and takes away all in his timing.  I am learning this more and more.  When each of the girls were born I tried to remember the sacrifice that Hannah made in giving Samuel back to God.  I do struggle at times with trying to be in control of them and my life with them.  When we were at Ignite this weekend, God was working on me with my control issues with my girls.  There was a moment that God allowed me to feel peace that surpasses my understanding.  In that moment know one else knew it but God and myself.  I fully believe that God is helping me to continue to heal.  My unknown companion for years has been a burden to me and sometimes a joy, believe it or not.  I look at that first year after losing Isaiah as a trial that I asked God, "why?".  I had someone tell me that I was going through this with Isaiah to one day be able to help someone going through a similar situation and give glory to God.

Preacher Man and I don't honestly know if we will have any more children at this point in our lives.  I would love one more child down the road a bit.  I have no plans.  I want to walk the path that God has planned for me.

Christ is Risen

Christ is risen from the dead, trampling over death by death, Come awake, Come awake, Come and rise up from the grave.

Christ is risen from the dead, we are one with Him again, Come awake, Come awake, Come and rise up from the grave.

Oh, death, where is your sting?

Oh, hell, where is your victory?

Oh, church, come stand in the light.

The glory for God has defeated the night.

Our God is not dead, He's alive, He's alive.

-Matt Maher, Christ is Risen

Well, it was about time for us to have an adventure with our youth.  We went to the Ignite Student Conference last night and this morning.  At this event, the speaker was Afshin Ziafat, Drew Worsham, and Jeff Johnson Band.  As with any event that Preacher Man and I are involved with we have to think about childcare.  We were so incredibly blessed to have a sweet friend watch over our girls while we were with our youth.  She was one of the first people I left Gabby with.  We are so blessed to still have her in our lives! Once that was all set and planned, I started to pray about this weekend and God moving and blessing our youth.

Last night, Afshin talked about in Philippians 1:1, there is a greeting from Paul and Timothy.  They call themselves slaves of Christ.  We are all slaves to something, but when we are slaves in Christ we are set free from the slavery of sin.  Death and sin has spread to all of us.  Life is through Christ.  God will exalt the humble, and humbles the proud.  You must lose everything to gain Christ.  After this message, Afshin did a time of invitation and there was a large amount of students that made a decision to make Christ first in their life.  We sang Christ is Risen after the invitation.  Afterward, we made our way to a church that opened their doors for us to rest in.  I was a little tired for an IHOP run, but we did it anyway.  After we were there for a bit, all the youth were exhausted and begging to go back to the church and rest.  I haven't seen that happen before on a youth trip.  Thankfully, they weren't joking our crew was ready for bed in no time.  Unfortunately, this youth sponsor didn't know this building (or where the thermostats for our room were. OOPS!) and our high school girls froze a little bit last night.

Today, Afshin talked about a Day In Day Out relationship, not an event spark relationship with God.  At the wedding day, the mission is NOT accomplished, it is NOT the ultimate goal.  It is to be at the starting line and to continue through the years (50+ years down the road) and feel the mission is accomplished.  The relationship with God is NOT a sprint, but a marathon to follow Christ.  We, as Christians, need to fast from sin and feed on the word of Jesus. Preacher Man talked with me and we both were able to see God showing and revealing things to us.  We saw our youth worship God unashamed and freely.  It blesses my hear to see their passion rise up for God.

So, I am a bit tired and needing to rest, but my spirit is no longer weak and weary.  When you see God work in anyone's life it reminds you of your awakening.  Now we are spending a little time as a family.  Preacher Man and I are hoping to put all the girls in bed a bit early and get some physical rest for tomorrow.  Thank you for reading and sharing in our experience from this weekend. 

Boys just don't know fashion

When we first welcomed Cutie Pie into our lives.  I immediately wanted to protect her from harm.  Whether it be a bump from learning to cruise to classmates teasing her.  Well, today Cutie Pie came home in her usual way.  I asked how her day was.  She replied, "The boys didn't want to play with me today.  But it's ok because Daddy said that boys don't know fashion."  That was it?!  She didn't want any more questions and quickly moved on to coloring.  When she woke up from nap, I got the whole story.  The boys didn't like a scrunchy-like ponytail holder she was sporting today.  The girls liked it just fine, but the boys refused to play with her today.  When Preacher Man picked her up from school and he heard about this.  Being the amazing daddy (of THREE girls) he is, he told her that boys just don't know fashion.  It was said so matter of a fact.  I asked her how it made her feel when the boys said that.  Cutie Pie was embarrassed.   There was this side of me that wanted to protect her today.

Tonight I watched Parenthood.  The show talked about the this very thing of protection.  I can't protect my children from everything.  I can be there for them.  There was nothing I could do to protect Cutie Pie from that embarrassment.  I do feel that we talked about it and maybe it won't effect her as much the next time.  I never realized how much parents see themselves in their kids.  My mom and I would have moments of disagreement and strife, but for the most part we have always been close.  I am very thankful for this.  Having Cutie Pie has helped me to see things about myself too.  I see that tendency of striving for perfection.  When I was in ballet at her age, I remember being sure that I got my toes pointed 'perfectly' every time my feet came off the floor.  I see that she has a tendency to be a bit bossy or motherly.  I had a friend that lived across the street that we would get to play in the afternoons.  When we were at my house my mom would hound me about be too bossy to my friend.  I thought then that she was crazy.  I wasn't bossy.  I just knew what we needed to do and my way was the easiest and best way to do it.  Thankfully, I do see this side to Cutie Pie that is so tender.  When Sweet Pea was still itty bitty.  Cutie Pie would give her anything in her reach to soothe her sister.  We moved from one town to our current one and they had to share a room.  Sweet Pea would cry at night and Cutie Pie would be sawing logs, completely knocked out. It would amaze me.  I am loving this stage of our lives.  After a long weekend of severe sickness we can laugh and talk about things that come up in our journey.

Obedience

“Wash and make yourselves clean. Take your evil deeds out of my sight; stop doing wrong. Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.” Isaiah 1:16-17

There have been many times that I wanted justice or that I would defend people. (even when not solisted)  In high school, many times I would open my mouth and spout things that were meant in the best of intentions and it would wound someone.  After a few years to grow up and grow in God, I have mellowed a lot.  In the past I have expereinced some situations that I wanted their foolishness out of my sight, I wanted them to stop doing wrong, learn to do right, but above all I wanted JUSTICE!   Our sense of justice is NOT the same as God's justice.  I hear a lot of people say that "His ways are right."  If this is true we have to trust that His justice is right.  I struggle with my own heart in this area.  How can a marriage fall apart and one person be left holding the pieces while the other is moving right along with life "as usual" so it seems?  How can someone begin to start leading the life they were meant to live and something happens to derail that plan?  How can someone mislead others and slander them and still be viewed as an upstanding citizen?

Today, I was wanting to get some justice of my own.  I wanted to tell "X" exactly the way I felt about "X".  I simply went to God's word to find what I could find.  These were some of the first verses that I read today.  I know these verses are probably a bit out of context, but I feel that it helped me to stop and think about my attitude.  I have seen the attitude of my culture become downcast.  All I want to do is just encourage them.  I have been bogged down myself with the "X" factor. (that's what I'll call it)  A wise pastor's wife told me that I can't take on the "X" factor as truth in my life.  When that sunk in and finally penetrated my soul.  A great weight was lifted from me.  I didn't feel the need for justice.  I felt peace.  There are so many things that distract us from our joy, our peace, our grace that God gives to us.  (Grace that we are to give to others.)  There is no need for us to seek our justice or our judgement.  God has it all in His plan for our lives.  We have to have faith and trust that He is doing what is best for us.  Obedience isn't easy for anyone.  

A Tradition!

This may look like a regular half gallon of ice cream to the average person, but to us it is a tradition that was started very early.  Preacher Man came back from his time in Africa on October 16, 2001.  We hadn't spent anytime dating before he left.  I was 17 (he was 24) when he boarded his plane on December 30, 1999.  So when he returned to the states, we were determined to spend time together.  I just knew we were going to have a spring wedding.  Well on November 7, 2001, he serenaded me with a song he wrote for me and got down on one knee and asked for my hand.  Of course, Preacher Man had to ask my dad for his blessing first.  We were married on December 28, 2001 in the evening.  My mom helped plan the day and it was honestly the most stress free, peaceful, and lovely day of my life to that point.  Preacher Man and I decided to for go an expensive honeymoon and planned for a sweet little trip to San Antonio.

We took our time enjoying our time there.  When we first arrived in town, Preacher Man had waited too long to eat and was very hungry.  He got food poisoning from that trip.  A few days had past and he realized that it was my birthday.  Not only did he realize it was my birthday when my parents called to wish me happy birthday, but it was also 7:00 PM!!  He said he was going to make his way out for a stroll.  So, I was a little concerned when my new sick husband was going for a 'stroll' in downtown San Antonio.  About an hour later, he entered our room laughing, carrying a bouquet of flowers and a pint of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream.  Happy Birthday!  

Here we are nine years later, he hadn't forgotten.  This time of year is tough on his pocket book.  What with Christmas, anniversary, and my birthday all within 8 days of each other?!  Preacher Man blessed me with some new nonstick cookware.  This past year has seemed like it moved so quickly.  There were very many things with Honey Bear that seemed we were doing them for the first time.  I don't think she should be walking and dancing and talking.  Cutie Pie is halfway through her Pre-K year and Sweet Pea gearing up for soccer in the spring.  Life is moving quickly.

Here I sit 29 years young, what should this coming year look like for me?  That is something I have not a clue of.  I have already started a huge overhaul of closets and storage.  I am determined to accomplish some things on my wish list.  If I don't get to them all, I will be OK with that because that will have meant that I took time to stop and savor my time with family and friends.  So here we go 29, this is going to be a GREAT YEAR!

Happy New Year...Pictures to come later.

After thinking over the last couple of days what would be fitting for my last post in 2010.  I thought that I may go over somethings that occurred in that last year.  I had a friend come to visit my family on New Year's Day.  We will call her Domestic Diva.  Well, Domestic Diva was very pregnant and flew into Dallas.  We were women on a mission: our mission was to find thing for her babies room.  Domestic Diva and her hubby wanted to be surprised about the gender of their bundle of joy.  It is really pretty difficult to find some gender neutral stuff that isn't a generic yellow, green, brown, or beige.  It was fun to ring in the new year shopping.  I don't usually shop till I drop, but it was fun to shop with Domestic Diva.

April was an especially busy month.  We went to Youth Lab at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, Sweet Pea's 3rd birthday, and Preacher Man's 35th birthday.  I was loving the spring time.  Many times a month like this would have drove me crazy trying to pack and travel and do two birthdays.  I made Sweet Pea's cake.  I have tried to do this before and failed miserable, I had to make a LATE night trip to Wally World to pick up 'a make it work" princess cake.  So, this year with a few more hints and a resolve to make my child's cake.  I set out to make a rainbow cake including the layers to be a different color of the rainbow.  Well, I did it! I accomplished my goal.  I even make a rainbow birthday outfit for Sweet Pea and she had a cake birthday hat.  We had a silly string fight and she opened presents.  It was truly a birthday I will remember with her.  Preacher Man turned 35 and I think he is looking better and better with each passing year.  Our church has spoiled him with the amount of Reese's cups they give him each year around his birthday.  He truly has a weakness when it comes to those sweet chocolate peanut butter cups. 

The Rainbow Cake

She loved this outfit and hat!

Summer time, we really turn into a house of go-go-go people.  I think there are few times that we feel more busy in the year.  Preacher Man and I truly LOVE going to youth camp, mission trip, etc. with the youth.  It is a time we get to pour into them as much as we can.  This year we were able to take a pretty big group to camp.  I was privileged to get to know some very wonderful girls at camp.  I hope that they never forget how much God loves them and me too.  The girls and I found a little time to come visit all the g-parents.  We spent about two weeks with them, which has been the usual routine for the past five years.  What with living far apart, we want our kids to have the bond that most get to share everyday.  In August, my Honey Bear turned one!  As we have done with all our little one year old, we had a balloon party.  There were balloons in primary colors.  I also made Honey Bear's cake.  I even got adventurous and made a mini cake just for her.  Honey Bear didn't like the way the icing felt on her hands because she would only suck and bite on the cake with her mouth.  She had a BIG slide in the backyard for some of the bigger kids to play on.  Honey Bear strutted her stuff in a pink tutu swimsuit and a frilly first birthday hat.  She had fun, but she is really so calm about most everything she does. (at that age, anyway.)

Trying to get Honey Bear blow out the candle. 

Her mini cake.  She isn't so sure about this idea. 

She caught on to the idea pretty quick, but didn't want to get her hands too messy.  She just had it crammed up her nose!

Fall started to set in and Cutie Pie started Pre-K.  She was so excited at first and as the weeks wore on.  She would climb in the car and say, "I can't talk, Mom, I am too tired from all the work we did today."  Well, I would let her rest for a few minutes and then out of nowhere she would begin spilling things about her day in little bits and pieces at a time.  She made a couple of friends and then it was time for her fifth birthday.  I was not completely ready for how I would feel about this birthday.  I remember feeling like such a BIG kid because I was a whole hand.  She wanted a butterfly birthday after changing her mind at least 20 times.  I got busy researching cakes.  I found a cute butterfly birthday cake and I also made Cutie Pie's cake.  I did it!  In 2010, I made all three their own birthday cakes.  I know that this may not happen very often  from now on in their lives, but I can show them that I took one year to really make each birthday a celebration and a mile marker in their lives.  October was a very fast month.  I barely remember the girls dressing up as Cinderella, Ariel, and a strawberry.  In November, Preacher Man had a fall retreat that the girls and I had to tag along because I had to be a sponsor.  It was a great weekend to teach our young youth how to spend quiet time with God.  Preacher Man, Cutie Pie, and Sweet Pea were in a relatives wedding around Thanksgiving.  Christmas has come and gone.

Gabby's fifth birthday party! 

Some of her friends with their goodies from the Butterfly Scavenger Hunt.

Our ninth anniversary was a very romantic night.  My parents reserved us a table at a very posh restaurant and even footed the bill.  Preacher Man opened my door the whole evening.  When we first met that was one thing that struck me about him.  The way he treated his mother, how he opened the door for ladies, and his tender heart for the gospel. (there are more things, but this is the short list)  I think that the coming year is going to be an amazing new chapter to our adventure story.

Speaking of the coming year, I am going to be striving to put Christ first above all including myself.  I know that we say this often, but to actually do it is completely different.  I have caught myself in this rut of finding things easier if I just simply let things go.  I have to make myself choose the harder path to strengthen our future.  I had the privilege to sit in with a ladies group at church and they have told me to savory the moment you have with your children and I want to try to do that: the good, the bad, and the whinny.  I am truly looking forward to 2011!  Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas! Just a couple more hours left and as my children are tucked into their beds, I am thinking about the day.  This year we weren't able to be with all of our family today like we usually are.  Today, we spent most of the morning slowly waking up, eating some breakfast, reading the story of Jesus' birth, opening presents, playing, cleaning up, etc.  It was almost magical how smoothly the day went.  Cutie Pie, Sweet Pea, and Honey Bear have been a little on the wild side this last week.  I am not sure if it was the anticipation of the presents piling up under the tree or all the Christmas goodies they have been sampling.

At any rate, I was beginning to wonder if they were able to think of what is so special about this time of year.  I want my girls to ultimately have a deep love for Christ, but to also have fruits of the spirit.  I want them to be more fearless about sharing their faith and God's love.  I see in Cutie Pie and Sweet Pea a love and concern for each other and Honey Bear.  I pray as they continue to grow up they see how special their sisterhood is.  I never had a sister growing up, but my brother was my hero.  When I was small he took up for me when some boys were teasing me at a picnic, when I was feeling low in my preteen years he would encourage me and tell me that things get better, and in my teen years, we would talk about our walk with Christ and I knew that no matter what was going on I could turn to my big brother.

Sisters, sometimes, get a bad wrap.  Many of the people we run into that have sisters have told me that the teen years are terrible &  that a lot of damage can be done in those few short years.  Preacher Man has told me that if you speak evil things over people they begin to believe it.  We will be speaking encouraging words over them.  Lately, the Taylors have been a little on the frazzled side of things and living in survival mode.  As hard as that is to admit, we are going to be working on encouraging and positive reinforcement as we ring in the new year.  I know that Sweet Pea can have a very strong will to do her own thing, when she feels like it.  I also believe that God is going to use that strong will for His glory.  Sweet Pea deeply loves her sisters and wants to desperately wants to take care of them.  We are so thankful for this special Christmas together.  We have enjoyed the holiday season with our friends and family near and far.